im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
