apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
