we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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