C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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