party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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