im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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