dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
