we're chasing vodka with high fives
It was confusing and full of hummus
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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