remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm gonna fight the coyote
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
