Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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