No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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