ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
