I just cut my nipple shaving
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
