I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize