I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
