I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
