Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize