Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Come share oat with me in your robe
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
