I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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