Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
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