I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
