I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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