A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I FOUND THE LEGS
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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