it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
