I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
