you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
This baby is an asshole
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
