mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
