From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
