I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
