i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
