I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize