Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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