names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
