My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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