the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
