Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize