This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
