Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
