Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
