if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
