We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sext me about skeletons
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
