Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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