You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize