im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
