take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
