I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I think I won the penis lottery.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
