I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
