I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
