if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
