Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
