# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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