Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize