Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
