if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
