Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize