Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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