I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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