Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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