Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
