Cold hands, warm shart.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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