i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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