I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
