Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
