i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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