The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we're making bets on your personal life
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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