i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize