My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
